Monday, August 30, 2004

the weirdo in me


-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --


Paranoid personality disorder is characterized by a distrust of others and a constant suspicion that people around you have sinister motives. People with this disorder tend to have excessive trust in their own knowledge and abilities and usually avoid close relationships with others. They search for hidden meanings in everything and read hostile intentions into the actions of others. They are quick to challenge the loyalties of friends and loved ones and often appear cold and distant to others. They usually shift blame to others and tend to carry long grudges.


People with schizoid personality disorder avoid relationships and do not show much emotion. They genuinely prefer to be alone and do not secretly wish for popularity. They tend to seek jobs that require little social contact. Their social skills are often weak and they do not show a need for attention or acceptance. They are perceived as humorless and distant and often are termed "loners."


Many believe that schizotypal personality disorder represents mild schizophrenia. The disorder is characterized by odd forms of thinking and perceiving, and individuals with this disorder often seek isolation from others. They sometimes believe to have extra sensory ability or that unrelated events relate to them in some important way. They generally engage in eccentric behavior and have difficulty concentrating for long periods of time. Their speech is often over elaborate and difficult to follow.


A common misconception is that antisocial personality disorder refers to people who have poor social skills. The opposite is often the case. Instead, antisocial personality disorder is characterized by a lack of conscience. People with this disorder are prone to criminal behavior, believing that their victims are weak and deserving of being taken advantage of. They tend to lie and steal. Often, they are careless with money and take action without thinking about consequences. They are often agressive and are much more concerned with their own needs than the needs of others.


Borderline personality disorder is characterized by mood instability and poor self-image. People with this disorder are prone to constant mood swings and bouts of anger. Often, they will take their anger out on themselves, causing themselves injury. Suicidal threats and actions are not uncommon. They think in very black and white terms and often form intense, conflict-ridden relationships. They are quick to anger when their expectations are not met.


People with histrionic personality disorder are constant attention seekers. They need to be the center of attention all the time, often interrupting others in order to dominate the conversation. They use grandiose language to describe everyday events and seek constant praise. They may dress provacatively or exaggerate illnesses in order to gain attention. They also tend to exaggerate friendships and relationships, believing that everyone loves them. They are often manipulative.


Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by self-centeredness. Like histrionic disorder, people with this disorder seek attention and praise. They exaggerate their achievements, expecting others to recongize them as being superior. They tend to be choosy about picking friends, since they believe that not just anyone is worthy of being their friend. They tend to make good first impressions, yet have difficulty maintaining long-lasting relationships. They are generally uninterested in the feelings of others and may take advantage of them.


Avoidant personality disorder is characterized by extreme social anxiety. People with this disorder often feel inadequate, avoid social situations, and seek out jobs with little contact with others. They are fearful of being rejected and worry about embarassing themselves in front of others. They exaggerate the potential difficulties of new situations to rationalize avoiding them. Often, they will create fantasy worlds to substitute for the real one. Unlike schizoid personality disorder, avoidant people yearn for social relations yet feel they are unable to obtain them. They are frequently depressed and have low self-confidence.


Dependent personality disorder is characterized by a need to be taken care of. People with this disorder tend to cling to people and fear losing them. They may become suicidal when a break-up is imminent. They tend to let others make important decisions for them and often jump from relationship to relationship. They often remain in abusive relationships. They are overly sensitive to disapproval. They often feel helpless and depressed.


Obsessive-Compulsive personality disorder is similar to obsessive-compulsive anxiety disorder. People with this disorder are overly focused on orderliness and perfection. Their need to do everything "right" often interferes with their productivity. They tend to get caught up in the details and miss the bigger picture. They set unreasonably high standards for themselves and others, and tend to be very critical of others when they do not live up to these high standards. They avoid working in teams, believing others to be too careless or incompetent. They avoid making decisions because they fear making mistakes and are rarely generous with their time or money. They often have difficulty expressing emotion.

here we go again...

yep, liverpool lost again, this time 1-0 to bolton. crap, i can't believe this is happening. i mean, it's bolton for god's sake. no disrespect, but i thought if you're gonna be challenging up there with the big boys, games like this are where we're supposed to grind out results. but no, bolton made the entire team looking like red riding hoods searching for their grandmas. this sucks. this is why liverpool had not won any major titles in recent years. bolton were controlling the match and we had no chances whatsoever. credit to them, it was a deserved three points, although i do believe it was a wrong decision to disallow garcia's goal near the end. tv replays show clearly that he was in line with the defender but it doesn't matter much now. i concede that we should give the referee the benefit of the doubt, but then again, saha pretty much slapped the ball with his hand to smith for man utd's last minute equalizer, what a great league, huh?

honestly, i don't think liverpool will be competing for the title come end of the season, i just can't see that coming. alonso and garcia are exciting, but they don't look like they're up to. alonso kinda disappearred into the match and garcia's making way too much mistakes. the only players that came through with credits are josemi and warnock, but the youngster lasted only half a match. i'm so sick and tired watching these so-called 'world class footballers' performing shit week in week out. no one bothered to go for tackles and we lost all 50-50 balls. there seems to be a message written on their foreheads that say,"i'm the star in the team, i can't get injured. let the others do the tackles and chasing, i'll just stand here and make miracles happen". what a load of shit.

i'm thinking next may, the only teams capable of mantaining the challenge for the title would be arsenal and chelsea. they seem to be well-equipped to go all the way. arsenal don't look to be satisfied with their record, i'm wondering when will they ever burn out. chelsea, although not as exciting, is amazingly effective. 3 points is all that matters (how i wish houllier stayed with liverpool now). sorry to man utd, it does appear that they're losing their touch. with players like bellion, djemba-djemba and kleberson making it to the regular lineups, it starts to look like the liverpool in the 90s, where there's no depth in the squad. but lets just keep our fingers crossed and hope that by the end of the season, it'll be a nail-biting finish with all the teams roughing it up for the title. well, it's only 3 games into the season, there's much to hope for. but then again, it's only the 3rd game into the season and things already don't look good, sigh...

Saturday, August 28, 2004

infernal affairs?

now this is a picture taken in the second semester, while we were doing the short movie clip of 'infernal affairs-ciplak version'. it was supposed to be presented during MAMB2 (Malam Anugerah Menara Budi 2) but did not make it to the screen in the last minute as the vice-chancellor decided to attend this function. the censorship board thought the gangsterism theme was too violent and may bring bad influence to younger generations, hahaha... ; )

the tagline for MAMB2: "every college has its own story...this is a story about 2nd rc um."

from left to right: me, Daniel, Wui En, Kee Seng, Chun Chong, Kien Fong, Tuck Hou, Ginn Boon, Teck Chuan, Chee Kiong, Litt Phang (all residents of second residential college at time of shooting)

Friday, August 27, 2004

this weekend...

it's one heck of a boring week, what a bummer... well, not entirely boring, at least i get to kill a mouse brutally and extracted sperms from its cauda epididimis (hahahaha, i know you guys won't know what it is, i'm just trying to show off). it's nice to have some hands-on experience on these stuff during practical, especially when they limit us to 6 mice only and i'm one of those who get to have some fun. it's not like i'm jumping up and down and yell 'i wanna do it! i wanna do it!', but when your class is full of geniuses who only excel theoretically (refer post below), you'll automatically be the first choice to do this. or in other words, they'll tell you to do it, and if you screw this practical up, they can always put the blame on you. but anyway, in the end of the day i'm the one who gets the experience, and that's all that matters when we go out to the real world (hopefully).

tomorrow's not gonna be good, i'm having extra classes in the morning. the lecturer is such a killjoy. it's national day next tuesday! can't you give us a break? we need to return to our hometowns and celebrate with friends! okay, so i live in kl, but still... and this biochem lecturer insist that our monday class will resume as normal, another psychopathic doctor who lives a dull life without friends or family. how can you do this to us? coming all the way back to uni just to attend the 5 to 6pm lecture, nice try, doc.

i'm not sure if i'm having any plans this national day eve, no one seems to be around in town, busy with their own studies or in another country. i guess it's gonna be another dull celebration, for me. fine, good time for me to put in some effort in my upcoming test, even if it means sacrificing my holidays. ok, this doesn't sound like me. no, i'll study for now, but if something comes up, i'm definitely not gonna be missing the fun, hahaha... sorry, but i'm just not up to that 'level' of nerdiness yet, thankfully. there's time for studies, but there should always be a balanced ratio allocated for fun too.

after this, i'm off to steven's corner with seow and nic, long time didn't go mamaking already, kinda missed it. thinking back, it has been almost one whole month since i last went mamaking! the horror... time for us to gather and gossip, i'm particularly interested in knowing this 'am chun dan' of choy yee's, muahahaha (evil laugh)... time to talk behind your back, now you would've regretted for not telling me the truth, muahahaha (evil laugh again)...bye bye...

Monday, August 23, 2004

coursemates, bad drivers, useless sportstars, the list goes on...

first of all, thanks a lot to my coursemates who tried so hard to make my life miserable. if you guys don't have the heart to finish up the practical and experiments, then why bother to come to the lab at all? don't be such an ass and attend this practical just for the sake of filling up your pathetic attendance quota, and screw up the experiments cuz you guys have some seniors' lab reports. if you guys can't think on your own and write your own reports, then just sit in your stupid room and memorise all those notes your good ol' seniors gave you. you guys are the reason why our third-world country keeps on producing first-world dumbasses. i don't give a damn whether you're scoring first class or dean's list, the singaporean kiasu looks on your faces make me sick. and while you're content to stay with your so-called 'achievements', don't try to show it off in front of me. i know you guys are good at it, but that's about all you're good at. get a life, there's more out there than just plain textbooks and libraries. so what if i don't look like one of you? i'm not trying to be one freaky nerd who doesn't even know how to throw a ball. if you guys know what a 'ball' is. so here i wish that we'll never meet again in our lives after we graduate, and good riddance.

and while i'm still in the 'pissed-off' state, today as we celebrate 'highway day', i wish that:
1) stupid drivers would switch on their headlights when it's raining heavily. i don't care if your car has outstanding colours or makes loud sounds, i CAN'T see your bloody car in the rain!
2) drivers would figure out first where they wanna go before they get into their cars. don't stop your car at the junction and decide then whether you should turn left or right. or a u-turn.
3) all those uncles, aunties, grannies, granpas and kiasees would stop crawling at the fast lane at 40km/hour.
4) all brainless maniacs who modified their cars with huge exhaust-pipe-that-looks-like-a-bucket-stuck-underneath-the-car would receive a RM5000 summon and get their license suspended.
5) while we're still talking about summons, i hope all those fat bribe-taking policemen would get fired and if they don't, i hope they burn in hell.
6) dumb motorcylists would stick to motorcycle lanes. i would be the first to wind down the window and shout 'hallelujah!!' if you guys get ran over by trucks.
7) drivers would put on theirs signals when they want to turn, and don't if they're not.
8) smart drivers would stop parking their cars in the middle of the road for 'just a short while' and expect us to squeeze to the other lane. use your brains a little and park where you're supposed to.
9) dumb taxi drivers would be a little more considerate and don't stop anywhere just to pick up some passengers. you passengers should be smart enough to know where to stop a taxi.
10) drivers would not slow down and roll at 5km/hour because it looks like there's an accident across the road. drive carefully and don't be such a busybody.
11) drivers would stop making a swift cut into the next lane when approaching a divider. make up your mind and stop daydreaming.
12) emergency lane stays as emergency lane. not 'i-woke-up-late-and-i'm-in-a-rush' kind of emergency.
13) dumbass drivers would stop driving the opposite direction on a one-way street.
14) brainless drivers would stop thinking that they're fast enough to get past the traffic light when it's yellow. you're no michael schumacher and you'll never be. i hope your car will get ran over by some trailer.
15) for god's sake, stop talking on the handphone when you're driving!

well, there's no such thing as 'highway day', but i guess it's about time to have one, eh?

now in our daily sports news, our pathetic malaysian so-called 'athletes' screwed it up big time again. "we'll win this, we'll win that." yeah right, why don't you guys go look at the mirror before you talk? badminton world champs? 'chumps' should be more appropriate. and josiah's (cycling) made to eat his word, he can't even qualify for the q/finals. unlucky to make 2 mistakes, he says. excuses, excuses, excuses. well, at least that's one thing we can beat other nations at, bragging. if olympics' gonna introduce this, we're first no doubt, with usa a close second. stop making empty promises and start doing what you're paid to do. while we're still on sports, wayne rooney admitted he did 'visited brothels and prostitutes'. "i was young then, i made mistakes." dude, you're only 18! how young is your 'young'? 13? what a sex-maniac, hope you'll get infected with syphillis.

entertainment, well, what can i say? it's like a disease that spreads so fast you won't have time to even pee. dumbass bands are introduced everyday. wherever you look there's a new idol in town. it's a trend right now, isn't it? walk out to the street, close your eyes and point your finger at any direction. whoever your finger points at has the potential to be a big star. come on, we're better than this. i'm terribly fed up with these boybands with members that looks like some porn vcd sellers at petaling street dancing on stage and polluting my tv. they not only look like those useless rascals, but act like one too. drugs, disco, you name it, we've got it. it's a sad world with these losers coming out as our idols, sigh. and if you're gonna sing, get your grammars right! i feel like smashing the radio everytime i hear this crap band sing "come on baby baby, you look so pity pity, do yo happy happy..." look, here's what you should do, take the money you gained from the sales you've got, and go attend primary school again before you make a fool out of yourself. oh wait, you already are a fool! silly me...

now that's a bit too much ranting to consume in one day, so i include here a joke just to lighten up the situation. while taking a jibe at the government, cuz i'm still in the mood:

three kids are playing at the playground, bragging about their fathers.
boy1: my father is an archer. he's so fast that when he shoots his arrow, he can reach the target before the arrow does.
boy2: that's nothing. my father's an fbi detective. when he shoots, he can reach the target before the bullet does.
boy3: i hate to disappoint you guys, but my father can beat your fathers anytime. he's a government servant, he's so fast his work ends at 4:30, he's already at home reading the newspaper at 3:45!

finally, have a good day, enjoy the sun and tomorrow will be a new chapter in your life! no, not you, bush, i hope you will be assasinated and rot in hell. for the others, bye for now...

Saturday, August 21, 2004


one of the many posters i've made while staying in 2nd residential college. well, there's nothing much to do, so we thought, why not go creative?;) i'll post some other posters when i'm free, right now this will do.
from left to right: Wai Soon, Tuck Hou, me, Daniel, Ngi Chun (Jun), Kian Su (my roommate ah su di di, as in 'machi di di') and Chee Kiong (ck). Posted by Hello

Friday, August 20, 2004

Lord of the Pants?

These are quotes people have taken from Lord of the Rings with key words replaced with "pants." Damn funny, found this somewhere in the net.

"Gondor has no pants. Gondor needs no pants"
"You cannot pants it, none of us pants. The pants answer to Sauron alone!"
"A shadow and a threat has been growing in my pants."
"I wish the pants had never come to me, I wish none of this ever happened."
"I ask only for the strength to defend my pants!"
"The power of the Pants could not be undone."
"It was in this moment that Isildur, son of the King, took up his fathers pants."
"Have you seen it Aragorn? The white pants of Echthelion?"
"Sauron is not so mighty that he is above fear. He fears your pants Aragorn...."
"I will take the pants to Mordor! Though I do not know the way."
"And into this pants, he poured his cruelty, his malice and his will to dominate all life."
"But the pants of Men are easily corrupted."
Merry: "You're supposed to stick it into the pants!"
Pippin: "It is in the pants!"
Merry: "Outside!"
"If you want pants, come and claim pants."
"Who will you look to when we're gone, the dwarves? They hide in their pants seeking riches, they care nothing for the pants of others."
"You did not seriously think that a hobbit could contend with the pants of Sauron? There are none who can."
"The nine have left Minas Morgul. They crossed the river Isen on midsummer's eve, disguised as riders in pants."
"You fought bravely. You have kept your pants."
"By nightfall these pants will be crawling with Orcs"
"Give them pants for pity's sake!"
"Don't you understand? The enemy thinks you have the pants. They're going to be looking for you Pip. They have to get you out of here."
"Draw out Sauron's armies. Empty his pants. Then we gather our full strength and march on the Black Gate."
"Your pants are cold. The life of the Eldar is leaving you."


Thursday, August 19, 2004

a walk to remember...;)

this is a photo of me at the garden located outside kek lok toong (cave) back in ipoh. too bad i didn't capture more photos, but travelling 2 person there's nothing much we can do... Posted by Hello

Sunday, August 15, 2004

you ok?

i was driving home midnight last night and tuned in to 98.8, with our regular dj chan fong on air. people called in and poured out their personal problems to him, and he'll be pouring cold water back to them. it's not like i always listen to this station, but it seems fun to listen to all sort of funny problems people are having. they know that %#*$ dj will be blasting them in return, but they'd still call in. what were they expecting, seriously?

i personally enjoyed reading these columns in the newspaper, where people from various backgrounds write in and ask for advices. some appears to be pathetic, some less so, and some others are just silly. i always wonder why do they even bother to tell the world about their problems? it's not like we don't already have enough problems ourselves to care about, do we have to worry for them? and that's when this thought struck out in my mind, who did i turn to when i have a problem?

i came to realize that these people are only trying to throw out all mixed emotions that have been troubling their souls. it doesn't matter whether it seems stupid to any other human, but we need to pour them out, don't we? and when there's no one to turn to, well, that's when our mind starts to play weird thoughts and stuff we can never imagine. i was reading the papers a couple of days ago and found this article saying there's about 5 million Malaysians suffering from various mental problems. now that's an alarming figure. although it was reported that 90% of these patients would not hurt others, can you even imagine, one out of four of us is suffering mentally? now i know why there's so many suicide cases in malaysia. when we keep everything in our hearts, somehow it'll only bring out the ghost in yourself. too often these cases happen because we couldn't find someone to share our sorrow. someone who can console you and make you think you're not alone in this cruel world. when you're down, you'd think the entire world is against you, no matter what. why stay and suffer? why not end your life and put a final line to all these troubles?

i'd like to think that i've reached a level where i'm no longer too bothered about the troubles that have been pestering me all my life, haha... well, positively saying, it's an optimistic attitude, isn't it? but of course, i've been through times when i got so depressed, i wonder when life would actually end. times when you wish you can hide in the darkest corner of the world and wish that problems will vanish into the black hole. i'm sure most people has had that feeling before. i'm so glad that when i was down and defeated, there was a bunch of willing hearts that reached out to me, and saved me from my despair. i can never be anymore grateful that a circle of close friends stood by me and lifted me up, making me a better person, a person i had never thought i could be. in the end of the day, we just need someone to share what we're feeling, regardless if it's joy or sadness, just as long as you're not walking alone in this world. it's a long path, really, and often a tough one too. life is just too beautiful to be admired alone, and it's too rough to be tackled singlehandedly.

for my dear friends (i know there ain't a lot out there, but what the heck), just remember when there's problems troubling your heart, let it out. i know i can be an ass once in a while, but when things matter the most, remember that i'll always be there for you. and like how an old liverpudlian (me, who else?) will sing,
When you walk through a storm
Hold your head up high
And don't be afraid of the dark
At the end of the storm
Is a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of a lark
Walk on through the wind
Walk on through the rain
Tho' your dreams be tossed and blown
Walk on, walk on
With hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone
You'll never walk alone

Thursday, August 12, 2004

back in town

that's right, i'm back from ipoh after a 4-day trip. i'm kinda weary and tired, it's no easy task having fun. but it's enjoyable throughout the whole visit, so i can't complain much.

like what everyone's saying, ipoh is indeed a food paradise. i don't think i'm done tasting all the great food there but it's ok cuz i'm definitely gonna return for more. the infamous chicken rice with beansprouts, 'sa ho fan' (heck, i have no idea what it's called in english), wong kok's tasty porridge (yummy), chu cheong fun with mushroom sauce (no, we don't get it here in kl), i even had a glimpse of ipoh's 'desa sri hartamas' - greentown. went to the persanjung mamak and some steakhouse there, it really feels like you're back in hartamas, minus the slashing and killing cases of course.
besides good food, there's nothing much to do in ipoh. other than eating, all i've done is visiting the caves (kek lok toong and sam poh toong) and d. r. garden. oh yeah, i've spent some time window shopping at ipoh parade and jusco too, and watched 'i, robot' to kill off time. well, you can't be eating 24 hours a day, can you?

stayed at my friend's home during these days, now this is something different from what we have here in kl. it's the first time i've been in a modern village house, and it's a nice experience. my friend's mother can cook good food too, so imagine how many meals i've had in these 4 days. and she really made me feel like home. proves that money doesn't buy you happiness. away from city life for a while and it really brings peace to my mindset.

if you ask me, sometimes i want to have this kind of lifestyle. coming from a well-to-do family, you'll always be regarded as the spoilt brat and useless. of course, i know most of my friends never think of me that way, but sometimes it really hurts when i'm trying hard to be accepted for who i am, trying to proved that i can live a life the way others live it, and some dumbass will come out with a shitty remark, like "you won't understand, you're rich" or "you're different from me, your money can solve your problems". didn't i make enough effort to show that i can live a happy life without my parents' money? why is this always the issue when arguments break out? i can be a bloody ass and shove the dollar notes into their mouths but why am i always sitting there, pretend to smile and take this bullshit? i know they don't mean it, but they have no idea how these statements affect me in a sense. oh well, i guess we'll just have to accept that sometimes in life, shit happens.

enough with the ranting, i'm gonna be having tests again after this holiday, so it's time to hit the books again. while enjoying the hiong peng (biscuits) i've brought back from ipoh.;)

Sunday, August 08, 2004

bugging trouble

for once i'm trying so hard to learn dealing with these html and template stuff, and the next thing i know half of the content in my template is missing. now i have no idea how to edit this blog and i can't even see a preview of what changes i made. what a sucker punch in the face. it's already confusing for me to start learning about html language, which btw, i still don't have a clue. imagine yourself trying to master french overnight (of course, provided that you're not french and you don't understand the language at all). oh well, fine, i'm giving up editing the template. for now.

it's a boring sunday here right now, and i can feel the 'blankness' in my brains. i don't really enjoy this feeling. when you're using your brains 24 hours a day most of the time and suddenly you're given a break, it feels awfully awkward, don't you think so? when i'm too idle, my mind will start wandering far far away into deep thoughts, sometimes stupid thoughts, and most of the time it brings back a lot of memories that i've tried so hard to forget and this sucks to the max. i don't know, but for me, i have to keep myself occupied with work at all times, be productive, get some work done, be useful. i hate sitting in front of my pc and stare at the stupid box the entire day, but i am doing it now cuz there's just nothing to do here! crap.

Friday, August 06, 2004

memorable picture

Me and my good friends at KLIA, Kam's departing to New Zealand, officially marking the breaking of the fellowship, hahaha... Following Kam's departure, Ang left to Australia to further his studies. Zi Hui was next to move south, Nic went on to Uniten, Jacky's doing law in ATC and i'm stuck in a local uni doing biotech. Thanks a lot to Choy Yee for sending me this picture. It's a treasure to me. From left to right: Nicholas, Zi Hui, me, Ang, Kam, Jacky. (This is actually our patrol arrangement in VSG's boyscout troop back then)Posted by Hello

time for some fun

whew, finally got through my last test this morning, which was followed up quickly with the handing up of my lab report. so, with all my tests over now, and without a single lab report to worry about, it's time for me to give myself a long break and it couldn't get better with the midsem break next week. i'm all geared up to enjoy this coming week, probably off to ipoh for some chicken rice, haha...
the past week was sort of hectic, already with 5 labs a week the two tests didn't make it any more fun. thankfully the fungi biotechnology test wasn't as hard as i had imagined, i finished and left the room 15 minutes after we began. i don't know why, but i can never sit in the exam hall until the time is up. but plant physio, man, that's a real headache. i mean, who wants to know what's happening inside a plant? screwed up big time, and the lecturer still had time to go through the papers and gave us a big 'slap' in the face right after the test.
but enough with the tests, the university is having its convo week now, and i have yet to take a stroll down the stalls all around campus. should be a good time for me to have a look around. ; )