you ok?

i was driving home midnight last night and tuned in to 98.8, with our regular dj chan fong on air. people called in and poured out their personal problems to him, and he'll be pouring cold water back to them. it's not like i always listen to this station, but it seems fun to listen to all sort of funny problems people are having. they know that %#*$ dj will be blasting them in return, but they'd still call in. what were they expecting, seriously?

i personally enjoyed reading these columns in the newspaper, where people from various backgrounds write in and ask for advices. some appears to be pathetic, some less so, and some others are just silly. i always wonder why do they even bother to tell the world about their problems? it's not like we don't already have enough problems ourselves to care about, do we have to worry for them? and that's when this thought struck out in my mind, who did i turn to when i have a problem?

i came to realize that these people are only trying to throw out all mixed emotions that have been troubling their souls. it doesn't matter whether it seems stupid to any other human, but we need to pour them out, don't we? and when there's no one to turn to, well, that's when our mind starts to play weird thoughts and stuff we can never imagine. i was reading the papers a couple of days ago and found this article saying there's about 5 million Malaysians suffering from various mental problems. now that's an alarming figure. although it was reported that 90% of these patients would not hurt others, can you even imagine, one out of four of us is suffering mentally? now i know why there's so many suicide cases in malaysia. when we keep everything in our hearts, somehow it'll only bring out the ghost in yourself. too often these cases happen because we couldn't find someone to share our sorrow. someone who can console you and make you think you're not alone in this cruel world. when you're down, you'd think the entire world is against you, no matter what. why stay and suffer? why not end your life and put a final line to all these troubles?

i'd like to think that i've reached a level where i'm no longer too bothered about the troubles that have been pestering me all my life, haha... well, positively saying, it's an optimistic attitude, isn't it? but of course, i've been through times when i got so depressed, i wonder when life would actually end. times when you wish you can hide in the darkest corner of the world and wish that problems will vanish into the black hole. i'm sure most people has had that feeling before. i'm so glad that when i was down and defeated, there was a bunch of willing hearts that reached out to me, and saved me from my despair. i can never be anymore grateful that a circle of close friends stood by me and lifted me up, making me a better person, a person i had never thought i could be. in the end of the day, we just need someone to share what we're feeling, regardless if it's joy or sadness, just as long as you're not walking alone in this world. it's a long path, really, and often a tough one too. life is just too beautiful to be admired alone, and it's too rough to be tackled singlehandedly.

for my dear friends (i know there ain't a lot out there, but what the heck), just remember when there's problems troubling your heart, let it out. i know i can be an ass once in a while, but when things matter the most, remember that i'll always be there for you. and like how an old liverpudlian (me, who else?) will sing,

When you walk through a storm

Hold your head up high

And don't be afraid of the dark

At the end of the storm

Is a golden sky

And the sweet silver song of a lark
Walk on through the wind

Walk on through the rain

Tho' your dreams be tossed and blown

Walk on, walk on

With hope in your heart

And you'll never walk alone

You'll never walk alone