Saturday, May 28, 2005

a voice from within...

I’m sitting in front of the computer right now, at 1.40 in the morning. I’ve just reached home and I’ve just taken a shower to clear my mind. Something has been bugging me.

I think I’m slowly losing something inside of me. Some feeling, that is. I’m starting to lose faith and hope in something I’ve always believed in. A conversation took place today; which I do not wish to reveal more about, and it has struck me that my faith and hope meant nothing now.

I thought I deserved better than this. I am emotionally drained; I don’t think I can carry on with my belief.

Although there are only some of you who are close to me (who reads this blog), I’m so sorry but I am not brave enough to expose this weaker side in me. It has always been the dark secret I kept in some corner of my mind, which until now I’ve never told you guys, and I guess I never will. Please understand that there are some things I’d rather not share. Be a friend and just let me settle some of my own problems on my own.

Right now, I’ve made a decision, it may make drastic changes in my life, or it may not. No, I won’t turn into some fashion-disaster ah bengs or start cussing like there’s no tomorrow. There are some of my principles that I do not wish to keep any longer, and for now I’d like to live a life where I can do what I want to do, and not regret them later.

I’ve decided that this earring that I’m wearing will not be removed. This scar, it’ll remain unhealed until some miracles bring me back something I have decided to let go of now. I’m sorry again for not telling the reason behind my decision to pierce my earlobe some years back. It’s another one of those dark secrets I’ve mentioned.

I promise I will be living a happy life, so don’t worry about me. Thank you.

p/s: I know I haven’t been posting a lot of personal posts lately, especially since the Liverpool hype, and I’m sorry to put in such a post as an update to my personal life.

4 comments:

Jr. said...

yooo jason!!!!!!!!!!!

Just to remind you that we will always be there for you bro...;) As for your secret....dun worry so much about not sharing it with the one you care/friends

After all, they don't call it a secret for no reasons, right??

*peace*

NiC said...

hey... you know we'll always be there for u when u need us right? anytime you want to, just call me out k?

Livingmonolith said...

haha, i would have done that if you'd only ffk less.

anyway, thanks for the concern, you guys. i am fine and happy, like i've always been. just wanted to vent my frusfrations somewhere, i think i can handle this.

rational thinker said...

everyone has secrets. ;)

there s where best buddies came in and tried our best to pry on it. :)

But whenever you feel like releasing ur burden..as everyone else said it...we re here.

take care